I read an excellent post on extroversion and social media by Fred Wilson lately and it got me thinking about the impact social media’s had on my own life as an introvert.
These days, being an introvert feels like a bad thing. Any time I talk to friends or acquaintances and mention in conversation that I’m an introvert, the response I get back most often is, “Oh no you aren’t! You’re great at talking to people.” It makes me laugh, because I’m pretty sure introvert doesn’t have to mean socially-awkward hermit, but the reaction implies that there is something very wrong indeed. Here’s the Wikipedia definition from the Meyers-Brigg page:
The terms extravert and introvert are used in a special sense when discussing the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. People who prefer extraversion draw energy from action: they tend to act, then reflect, then act further. If they are inactive, their level of energy and motivation tends to decline. Conversely, those who prefer introversion become less energized as they act: they prefer to reflect, then act, then reflect again. People who prefer introversion need time out to reflect in order to rebuild energy.
The extravert’s flow is directed outward toward people and objects, and the introvert’s is directed inward toward concepts and ideas. There are several contrasting characteristics between extraverts and introverts: extraverts are action-oriented and desire breadth, while introverts are thought-oriented and seek depth. Extraverts often prefer more frequent interaction, while introverts prefer more substantial interaction.
See, it’s okay, don’t feel bad for me and your introverted friends! (You can still feel bad for the socially-awkward hermit if you’d like) I actually very much enjoy talking to people, but when I have to meet a lot of people at a party or networking event, the moment I most cherish is afterwards when I get some alone time or time with just close friends. It gives me time to get a mental breather.
Here’s where I differ from Fred Wilson’s post though – I don’t think social media increases extroversion, I think it simply enables both introverts and extroverts to deepen the types of connections that they draw energy from. For example, I use Twitter and FourSquare quite heavily and enjoy talking to friends and “strangers”, but both mediums allow me to very selectively choose who I want to interact with. That’s an introvert’s dream! I love Twitter because I can have very interesting dialogues with people I’ve never met, but I can also let a lot of other content go by without response. I love FourSquare for exactly the opposite reason – I only want my close friends to know what I’m doing at any point in time, and I also don’t care about what strangers are doing (because I’m too much of an introvert to introduce myself if we happen to be in the same place!). I’ve also made the decision a few months ago to not accept any Friendfeed invites from people I don’t personally know. There is a point where it becomes too much sharing for me, and right now that’s where the line falls, but it’s constantly in flux.
I think there’s a need for both introverts and extroverts in society, and yet there’s this growing mentality that being an introvert means you’re just somebody who hasn’t progressed socially enough to be an extrovert yet. I disagree intensely, although I do feel the pressure to put myself out there more, especially when it comes to work/business and fostering relationships. But then it comes back to the difference between introverts and extroverts, I’d rather have a few very deep relationships than the burden of managing many shallow ones. I’ll never be the person who meets everybody in the room by the end of the night, and hopefully that will work out for me. At the end of the day, I’m quite happy that I can enjoy the pleasure of both my own company and yours!
I took a paper test a few weeks ago @ work: INTP
I’m proud to be a solid ‘I’ too, Lily. Good post.
Chris
Some intellectual masturbation because i’m bored:
I think personalities fluctuate (grey vs black and white). People may exhibit primary traits but essentially sometimes we’re introverted and others we’re extroverted it all depends on the context. Some people who seems really comfortable around new people and may appear extroverted are actually making a huge effort to be that way. Other people who appear quiet are actually really comfortable with new people. I can give you countless examples based on people we know. Labeling yourself is just an excuse. If it’s important enough you’ll talk to someone but most of the time you just don’t think it’s compelling. The problem is sometimes the lack of effort means you’re going to miss out on some great people but I guess for someone like you the cost isn’t that high.
A side point I think another mechanism so called introverts can use to “get out there” is to leverage their “extroverted” friends. Introverts can also use extroverts as a filter for meeting people. You may not meet everyone in the room but you probably rely on people who attempt to meet everyone and give recommendations on who you should talk to or they will introduce you to them. Look at your newest friends in the last 6 months it was probably an extrovert who introduced you to them.
Very pleased to read a note from a fellow friendly-introvert. We folks who are introverted don’t inherently dislike people or eschew socializing. As you’ve suggested, we just tend to prefer deeper friendships (and spending our energy with those friends). Of course, many of us have learned to fake extroversion
INTJ here. Great post. Only an introvert could write something so well organized.
Want a challenge?
Try being a introvert in the military. It will certainly stress you out. I’m never alone!!!! AHHHH!
i liked you’re post.
c’mon folks, we can do better.. let’s take back our title!